Should I Stay or Should I Go? |
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Stella Recommends...Should you stay or leave him? Doesn’t everyone have problems in their relationship? So shouldn’t I stick it out and try and fix it rather than go through the pain of leaving this one, only to find myself asking this question again down the line? There comes a point in most relationships where one has to really look at whether your partner is the one for you long term or it is better to cut your losses now before you get in too deep. This I personally have found to be a very painful and confusing time but unfortunately it seems inevitable. I think being in a relationship takes a lot of courage, after all getting hurt at one point is to be expected but not all relationships are worth the strain. When we’re single we want to be in a relationship and when we’re in one we think - is this what I really want? Is this really it? Is he the one? Call it female intuition but looking back at my past relationships I can clearly see that I knew there were problems much before the relationship ended. Do you try and fix these problems or do you drop it all together and move on to the next? How do we know if we should try to make our relationship better, or walk away? Take some time for yourself and ask yourself - Are you really happy? Do you have good communication or you constantly feel misunderstood or ignored? Do you have any future plans? Are you proud of being in this relationship? This is a time of deep reflection and this is where we notice that what we are questioning in most cases is our own identity and ideas we have of ourselves and what we wanted. Talk about it with your partner. This is a good time to discuss ways of improving your life together; however do not start picking on small things or this conversation will definitely evolve into a row. Should you be at a point in the relationship when you are not able to communicate without getting upset maybe it is best to talk to someone impartial – such as a relationship counsellor – before taking drastic decisions.
Relationships are very complex things and everyone should take them on a case by case value. There are times when the sexual chemistry is great or you feel you found the best friend ever but is this really enough? Are you compromising on your happiness – knowing this, isn’t it obvious that you have to face this eventually and possibly will get hurt? So back to the question – should I stay or should I go? The advice I can give is to write down what you want from a partner and from life and see if this relationship fits in, if you are still single this a good time to affirm what you want and not budge till you get it – this will save you future heartache. If you are in a relationship look at it from the point of view: If this person does not change at all, would you still want to be in this relationship 10 years from now? Female intuition, if you are in tune with it, is very strong and we often know much in advance that a relationship will not work. If your choice is to walk away then do so knowing you’ve done your 100% and keeping in mind that everything will sort itself out in the end.
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Maybe it’s an age thing that the older I get the less I find I want to compromise. I think experience taught me that things that look not so important at the beginning start growing and growing until you just cannot handle them. Be honest about this early on. We so want a relationship to work sometimes that we tell ourselves we can live with certain things – which most of the time are the same things that make you want to end it. Such as he still wants to party all night every single weekend and you’re more into settling down or he only enjoys watching action movies which just leave you bored stiff and so on.